Organized Chaos

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE

2010-06-08T05:00:00.000-07:00

I was really messed up when I've heard this revelation to Ptr. Ariel while we're inside the car.. I believe this was preached by Ptr. Paul during Friday meeting in Los Baños.. Here it is.. :)

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

Now, if faith like mustard seed can move mountains (Luke 17:6 & 1 Corinthians 13:2), what do you think love can do? :)

A Jeremiah 33:3 Birthday Celebration!

2010-05-30T05:18:00.000-07:00

This blog post is a sign of my full gratitude to everyone who made my birthday so amazing! I had a blast! ‘Thank you’ isn’t enough to tell you guys that you are all God’s blessings to me.

A Jeremiah 33:3 Birthday Celebration! <3

‘Lord, tomorrow will be my birthday. I am so excited for all the things you have planned for me. Father, show me great & mighty things that I’ve never experienced before. Have Your way Daddy. In Jesus Name, Amen.’ --- this was my prayer before that very day.

PARTY TIME! <3

Thank you to my kuya (Mark Josh Brinces) for the first b-day greeting! Your call is highly appreciated. I will never forget that ’12 midnight’ call and all the text messages of your 13 friends, I find it sweet. Yahoo!

Thank you to Ate Che for a very touching text message. It touched me a lot. Hahaha!

Thank you to my ‘Super True Friends’ (Yuri, Jan Di, Mr. Z & Gora) ~ you guys are beyond awesome! It’s the sweetest thing you’ve done! I haven’t seen you all for a long time! P.S. And I forgot that we became friends, now I’m accepting the fact that we are! Haha! I love you guys!

Thank you to my Nanay & The Company! Hahaha. Epic! My pancit was really delicious! We’re really blessed that we can be more than happy in little things that God entrusted to us. Expect HUGE things ahead! <3

Thank you to my sister, Ivy! I love you so much sistah!

Thank you to my Facebook Friends! My heart is really glad for all the greetings I received from all of you. You don’t know how happy I am! When I remember all those messages, I can’t help it but cry. Hahaha! Emo no more! Come on! Hahaha! Okay, so for that, I’m giving you all the credits!

Here’s the list of your name guys! <3

1. Mic Key
2. Michael John Sandoval
3. Niz Detoya
4. Noel Maligaya
5. Johanna Gelicame
6. 미카엘댄
7. Aenrikikekeshinzo Villanueva Llenaresas
8. Rose Calmorin
9. Arthur Villar
10. Rui Gaspar
11. Sheng Tan
12. Anne Villabroza
13. Lee Aesthetic
14. Maku Hinagpis
15. Dre Musa
16. Albert Bryan
17. Ace-iderf Palermo Palmiery
18. John Paul Derecho Nanong
19. John Al-Arzad Portillo Ipaw
20. Bea Elaine B. Oblefias
21. Sherrie Mae Yap
22. Alfredo Refe Padua Jr.
23. Hannah America
24. Jazel Jalbuena
25. Donards Tañedo
26. Jim Caro
27. Waxx Malundas Maderal
28. Darrel Macatangay
29. Liezl Hervera
30. Glaiza Hervera
31. Tricia Esquieres
32. Ces Chibi
33. Emar Giron
34. Itsmerafrap ヅ Dimayuga
35. Kirt Vibal
36. Vincent Villabroza
37. Michael Flores
38. Lhy-Nie Novilla
39. Kenneth Villabroza
40. Dennis Capistrano Pantastico
41. Theodore Lim
42. Rhea Cabrera Bermudez
43. Mutya Bobadilla
44. Maido Figueroa
45. Ivy Mathew
46. Aims Lopez
47. Adanac Ynohtna Kram
48. KenKen Ledesma
49. Eunice Roxas Abadicio
50. Kimberly Tanael Cardona
51. Andromicko M. Garduque
52. Allan Yasser Zeta Abdula
53. Aannee Lianillo-uy
54. Ana Guia Tadiosa Abesamis
55. Kristy Suaybaguio
56. Anne Jane Gamboa
57. Kaneiza George Pavon
58. Yamyam Cadiz
59. Adrian Crisanto
60. Jhoanna G. Agualada
61. Aaliyah Sissay
62. Jane Carcueva
63. Cindy Reyes Nadera
64. Amanda Suarez
65. Jane Dormitorio
66. Ulysses Ecarma Boglosa
67. James Vhan
68. Byron Fill
69. Philip Renaire C. Salvacion
70. Charlyn Krizz Camacho
71. Oetsira Yadniro
72. Oscar R. Reyes II
73. Jm Miguel
74. Jai Ho
75. Evangeline Ramirez
76. Shanen Kaye Jaca
77. Johanna Gelicame
78. Mean Lupig
79. Mary Grace Villaruel
80. Jaypee de Guzman
81. Karina Anagaran
82. Dave Briones
83. John Michael Balmes
84. Belle Villabroza
85. Ariel F. Tenorio
86. Eden Ilustre
87. Genevieve Quevedo Casiño
88. Clarice 'Kuto' Salanda
89. Prince Manuel
90. Faith Andres
91. Russ Elloso
92. Mai Phương
93. Jabe Ines
94. Gilden Salvacion
95. Jenny Montellano
96. Xschell Brinces
97. Roan Castillo

Thank you to my Twitter Friends for tweeting all your greetings to me! It means so much to me! Shoutout to my Team Kulets & Team Amats, Chasters and all! <3

Yey! Your user name will be shown too! Kindly follow them! Hahaha!

1. @akosiDrew
2. @mikala73
3. @fwickle
4. @kingD911
5. @ZymaD
6. @nigmainsolitudo
7. @ememm
8. @iWilsonPage
9. @whatmeshisays
10. @bebetch
11. @SingsLykAnAngel
12. @Juanilda

I would love to give thanks to all the people who gave me a call! <3 Please, still love me! I forgot your names. Okay, let me think. Uhmm, thank you callers!!! Hahahaha!!! Love, love, love! <3

Thank you SO MUCH Destiny Family – Lucena!
1. Daddy Charles, Mommy Edilyn, CK & King – for the surprise! Haha! Actually, the story was, I got a call from my spiritual dad. I asked him if he’ll be at my b-day celebration. Then he just ignored my question and OH NO! I was really sad because there’s a hint that he can’t make it. BUT!!!
After Ate Let-let’s prayer as the start of the party, Daddy & Mommy entered the door astoundingly! To my surprise, I’m about to cry! Hahaha! Thank you for the cake! Love, love you!
2. Ate Cora & Kuya Romy – for making your house the venue of my party! Thank you for the Ice Cream, softdrinks and for the BIG CANDLE! Haha! I will never forget that! <3
3. Ate Let-Let – thank you for the prayer. And for the chiffon cake. Haha! Aaaaarghhh!!! I want a photo of that cake with the big, white candle! Hahaha!
4. Ate Lani, Kuya Raymond, Ate Hanna, Ate Reyn, Ate Tina (Single), Ate Ineng – thank you for coming!!! We had so much fun! Haha! The 3-hour Soaking with Big Daddy is record-breaking!!! <3 I love you all!!! <3
5. Ate Tina (Married) – thank you for the phone patch!
6. Ate Del – for the default birthday quotation! Hahaha! <3
7. Kuya Mico – for the FB greeting!
8. Ate Jun Rose – Hahaha! I just love you for not greeting me! Hahaha! Your spirit is with us!

And for the late greetings.. Hahaha!

Thank you to my new bestfriend, Mr. Alchemy Abella, for calling! Hahaha! Wow! That was a 5-hour conversation! Talent showcase was pretty rad! You’re matured na, I’m so proud of you!

Thank you Rizzei! <3

All, thank you!

BEST BIRTHDAY EVER! <3

Made To Last Forever

2009-12-27T04:27:00.001-08:00

It is beautiful how God has done everything at the right time. He has put a sense of eternity in people’s minds. Yet, mortals still can’t grasp what God is doing from the beginning to the end {of time}. ECCLESIASTES 3:11

GOD DESIGNED YOU, IN HIS IMAGE, TO LIVE FOR ETERNITY.

We know that if the life we live here on earth is ever taken down like a tent, we still have a building from God. It is an eternal house in heaven that isn’t made by human hands. 2 CORINTHIANS 5:1

WHEN YOU FULLY COMPREHEND THAT THERE ID MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST HERE AND NOW, YOU WILL BEGIN TO LIVE DIFFERENTLY. YOU WILL START LIVING IN THE LIGHT OF ETERNITY.

I was circumcised on the eighth day. I’m a descendant of Israel. I’m from the tribe of Benjamin. I’m a pure-blooded Hebrew. When it comes to living up to standards, I was a Pharisee.
When it comes to being enthusiastic, I was a persecutor of the church. When it comes to winning God’s approval by keeping Jewish laws, I was perfect.
These things that I once considered valuable, I now consider worthless for Christ.

It’s far more than that! I consider everything else worthless because I’m much better off knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. It’s because of him that I think of everything as worthless. I threw it all away in order to gain Christ. PHILIPPIANS 3:5-8

We don’t have a permanent city here on earth, but we are looking for the city that we will have in the future. HEBREWS 13:14

The world and its evil desires are passing away. But the person who does what God wants lives forever. 1 JOHN 2:17

The Lord’s plan stands firm forever. His thoughts stand firm in every generation. PSALMS 33:11

So we are always confident. We know that as long as we are living in these bodies, we are living away from the Lord. 2 CORINTHIANS 5:6

WHAT IS IT GOING TO BE LIKE IN ETERNITY WITH GOD? FRANKLY, THE CAPACITY OF OUR BRAINS CANNOT HANDLE THE WONDER AND GREATNESS OF HEAVEN.

But as Scripture says: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined the things that God has prepared for those who love him.” 1 CORINTHIANS 2:9

“Then the king will say to those on his right, ‘Come, my Father has blessed you! Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. MATTHEW 25:34

What Drives Your Life?

2009-12-26T03:33:00.002-08:00

Jesus answered him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one goes to the Father except through me. JOHN 14:6

EVERYONE’S LIFE IS DRIVEN BY SOMETHING; MANY ARE DRIVEN BY THINGS LIKE GUILT, RESENTMENT, ANGER, FEAR, MATERIALISM, AND THE NEED FOR APPROVAL.

Certainly, anger kills a stubborn fool, and jealousy murders a gullible person. JOB 5:2

Then I saw that all hard work and skillful effort come from rivalry. Even this is pointless. {It’s like} trying to catch the wind. ECCLESIASTES 4:4

One person pretends to be rich but has nothing. Another pretends to be poor but has great wealth. PROVERBS 13:7

THERE ARE OTHER FORCES THAT CAN DRIVE YOUR LIFE BUT ALL LEAD TO SAME DEAD END: UNUSED POTENTIAL, UNNECESSARY STRESS AND AN UNFULFILLED LIFE.

But I said, “I have worked hard for nothing. I have used my strength, but I didn’t accomplish anything. Yet, certainly my case is in the Lord’s hands, and my reward is with my God.” ISAIAH 49:4

My days go swifter than a weaver’s shuttle. They are spent without hope. JOB 7:6

I hate my life; I do not want to live forever. Leave me alone because my days are so brief. JOB 7:16

When you farm the ground, it will no longer yield its best for you. You will be a fugitive, a wanderer on the earth.” GENESIS 4:12

THE BIBLE HAS A REMEDY.

So don’t be foolish, but understand what the Lord wants. EPHESIANS 5:17

Understand what I’m saying. The Lord will help you understand all these things. 2 TIMOTHY 2:7

Jesus answered him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one goes to the Father except through me. JOHN 14:6

THE BENEFITS OF PURPOSE-DRIVEN LIVING:

KNOWING YOUR PURPOSE GIVES YOUR LIFE MEANING, SIMPLICITY, FOCUS AND MOTIVATION. IT ALSO PREPARES YOU FOR ETERNITY.

What happiness for those whose guilt has been forgiven! What joys when sins are covered over! What relief for those who have confessed their sins and God has cleared their record. PSALM 32:1

No fear exists where his love is. Rather, perfect love gets rid of fear, because fear involves punishment. The person who lives in fear doesn’t have perfect love. 1 JOHN 4:18

I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope. JEREMIAH 29:11

Glory belongs to God, whose power is at work in us. By this power he can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine. EPHESIANS 3:20

With perfect peace you will protect those whose minds cannot be changed, because they trust you. ISAIAH 26:3

Brothers and sisters, I can’t consider myself a winner yet. This is what I do: I don’t look back, I lengthen my stride, and I run straight toward the goal to win the prize that God’s heavenly call offers in Christ Jesus. PHILIPPIANS 3:13-14

Whoever has a mature faith should think this way. And if you think differently, God will show you how to think. PHILIPPIANS 3:15

You Are Not An Accident

2009-12-26T03:33:00.001-08:00

I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born. ISAIAH 44:2

The Lord will do everything for me. O Lord, your mercy endures forever. Do not let go of what your hands have made. PSALMS 138:8

My bones were not hidden from you when I was being made in secret, when I was being skillfully woven in an underground workshop. PSALMS 139:15

Your eyes saw me when I was only a fetus. Every day {of my life} was recorded in your book before one of them had taken place. PSALMS 139:16

From one man he has made every nation of humanity to live all over the earth. He has given them the seasons of the year and the boundaries within which to live. ACTS 17:26

Before the creation of the world, he chose us through Christ to be holy and perfect in his presence. EPHESIANS 1:4

God decided to give us life through the word of truth to make us his most important creatures. JAMES 1:18

The Lord created the heavens. God formed the earth and made it. He set it up. He did not create it to be empty but formed it to be inhabited. This is what the Lord says: I am the Lord, and there is no other. ISAIAH 45:18

The person who doesn’t love doesn’t know God, because God is love. 1 JOHN 4:8

Listen to me, descendants of Jacob, the few people left of the nation of Israel. I’ve carried you since your birth. I’ve taken care of you from the time you were born.

Even when you’re old, I’ll take care of you. Even when your hair turns gray, I’ll support you. I made you and will continue to care for you. I’ll support you and save you. ISAIAH 46:3-4

Because of the kindness that God has shown me, I ask you not to think of yourselves more highly than you should. Instead, your thoughts should lead you to use good judgment based on what God has given each of you as believers. ROMANS 12:3

It All Starts w/ God

2009-12-26T03:32:00.000-08:00

For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank of angels - everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in Him. COLOSSIANS 1:16

It is God who directs the lives of His creatures; everyone’s life is in His power. JOB 12:10

Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. ROMANS 8:6

Jesus said, “Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self.” MATTHEW 16:25

God’s wisdom is something mysterious that goes deep into the interior of His purposes. You don’t find it lying around on the surface. It’s not the latest message, but more like the oldest-what God determined as the way to bring out His best in us, long before we ever arrived on the scene. 1 Corinthians 2:7

It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had is eyes on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose He is working out in everything and everyone. EPHESIANS 1:11

Decode (Acoustic Version) - Herdy Hervera

2009-10-02T08:19:00.001-07:00

DECODE -- Who among you don't know this song?! Haha. Yeah, right. It was an original movie soundtrack from the film "Twilight" w/c I wasn't really fascinated to. Well, you can't blame me. The quality of the movie isn't that good. -_-

So, this is my own rendition of it, inspired by the acoustic version of the song itself. Enjoy! :)

Brick By Boring Brick (Crappy Version) - Herdy Hervera

2009-10-02T08:08:00.000-07:00

Well, okay. This is a song from Paramore's New Album "Brand New Eyes". Don't expect any good from this version because I just recorded this song for the reason that I'm an avid fan of the band. :) Well, if you feel like you want to curse me or kill me 'coz I ruined the song, please do so.. Hahaha.. I'm just kidding..

Talking About The Meaning of the Song:
Actually, the message of the song is "Never dwell on fantasies just because you wanted to escape the cruelty of the real world, because at the end of the day, you'll get stuck with the same realm that you need to endure." Sadly, some people are craving for more. Complacency has never been in everyone's heart. They don't want to endure, they just love to enjoy. :(

Donate. Volunteer. Pray

2009-09-29T19:29:00.000-07:00

Whether you are Filipino or not, we are calling your attention to help the Philippines from this chaotic occurence that is happening right under our noses.. Watch the video and check out the description of it wherein it includes the most trusted links where you can donate or do something for the victims.. Please spread this video to everyone who are willing to help.. In our own little ways, we can make a difference for us to help them to stand up once again from this disaster that they are enduring right now.. Prayers for our PEOPLE! God will never forsake us.. Now, MOVE! :)

Mayo Bente-Quatro

2009-01-26T04:22:00.000-08:00

Alam mo ba kung ano ang magaganap sa petsang ito?
Hindi mo alam? Sagot! Aba teka..
Birthday ko kaya yan.. Magiging 18 years old na ko..
Pero kinakabahan ako ng sobra.. Bakit? Bakit?!
Natatakot ako sa mga pagbabagong magaganap..
Kung matatagpuan ko ba ang aking hinahanap..
Mga bagay na hindi matatagpuan,
Ng matang nagbubulag-bulagan..
Pero, ihinto muna natin ang makatang usapan,
Simulan na natin ang tunay na diwa nitong aking kalokohan..

18 years old na ako??!!??!!
Naisip ko tuloy kung may pagbabago na ba sa aking sarili,
Sapat na ba ang aking kakayahan para magpunyagi..
Makipagsapalaran sa magulong mundo..
Nag-iisa, walang kasamang naglalakad sa kawalan..
Ang malaking tanong: Ano ba ang mga mangyayari?

Isa na akong ganap na binata..
Makakaboto na ko sa darating na halalan..
Pipili ng mga taong nagbabalat kayo lamang..
Masaya. May boses na ako.
Boses na kailanman ay hindi maririnig.
Mahina. Paos. Gasgas.

Maaari na akong magbanat ng buto,
Gamitin ang gintong pinag-aralan.
Ngunit saan kaya ako mapapadpad?
Mumunting aral ba ay magagamit ko?
Nanginginig ako sa tuwing naiisip ko,
Kinabukasang wala pang kasiguraduhan.
Kaba. Takot. Pangamba.

Pwede na akong mangibang-bansa..
Lilisanin ko na ang lupang sinilangan.
Lilipad ako gamit ang umaangat na bakal..
Maglalakbay para may matamo.
Pariwarang buhay ay patungo sa rurok ng tagumpay.
May magagawa na ako.
Makakapagpadala na ako ng pera sa bangko.
Mabibigyan ko na sila ng kahon-kahon na package.
Maraming tsokolate, damit, cellphone, PSP, atbp.
Ngunit ako ay nagugulumihan.
Lipad. Bagsak. Lipad.

Marami akong mamimiss..
Tao. Bagay. Ala-ala. Friendster. YM.
Lahat-lahat ng aking nakasanayan..
Wala akong magagawa kundi bitawan ang iba dito.
Panandalian akong mawawala.
Ngunit ako'y muling magbabalik.
Pagbalik ko, mabibigla ka..
Marami ang magbabago sa akin.
Gwapo na. Macho na. Pantasya mo na.

Di ko na masyadong malalaro ang PSP ko.
Di na ko makakatext sa mga mahal ko.
Di na ko makakapag-Friendster araw-araw.
Di ko na makaka-chat ang aking mga kaibigan.
Di ko na maririnig ang mga bagong musika.
Di ko na masasabayan ang usong sayaw.
Di na ko makakapanood ng mga paborito kong pelikula.
Lahat unti-unting mababawasan.
Mawawala. Mawala. Nawala.

Matatapos ko na ang college.
Magwawakas na ang pagsusunog ng kilay.
Wala ng quiz, assignments at project.
Di ko na makikita ang palatanong na guro.
Di ko na maririnig ang malakas na tawanan.
Lahat ng kasiyahan sa loob ng silid-aralan.
Mamimiss ko ang kopyahan pag may exam.
Ang mga asaran na nauuwi sa pag-iibigan.
Maaalala ko ang kodigo na naglipana kahit saan.
Lahat ng ito, dala-dala ko.
Teacher. Kaklase. Karanasan.

Magiging independent na ko.
Di ko na maririnig ang sermon ni Inay.
Mawawala na ang maraming kautusan.
Mga utos na tumalo sa 10 utos ng Diyos.
Mapapawalang-bisa na ang mga batas.
Pwede na ko umuwi kahit anong oras ko gustuhin.
Makakalikom na ko ng pera.
Mga bungang nanggaling sa dugo at pawis.
Isa. Dalawa. Tatlo.

Boom! Mawawala ako ng matagal..
Aalis muna ako at aakyat.
Sa bundok ng aking mga pangarap.
Sa wakas, ang panaginip ay magiging katotohanan.
Di niyo ako mamimiss.
Pero umaasa pa din ako na balang araw.
Magkatotoo ang sinasabi ng matatandang bulaan.
Na kelangang ako naman ang makalimot.
Para ako naman ang maalala.
Dream. Believe.Survive.

Starstruck! Star Circle Quest! PDA! Pinoy Idol!
Mawawala na ang mga pagkakataon.
Oportunidad para maipakita ko ang mga talentong itinatago.
Lumaban sa patimpalak ng pag-awit.
Makipag-tagisan sa sayawan at gilingan.
Hindi na ako makakapagpasikat.
Talo na ako sa aking karera.
Laos. Kawawa. Emo.

Sa pagkakataong ito...
Wala ng namumutawi sa aking labi.
Ni isang salita ay wala ng mahabi.
Nawawala na ang aking diwa.
Naubos na ang walang-kwentang ideya.
Asan na? Asan na?
Muli kitang hihintayin.
Para sa aking paggising.
Tutulog ulit.
Antok. Puyat. Pagod.

Good Morning!
Good Afternoon!
Good Eve!
Goodnight!
Apir! (+_~)

:::hErDz:::

Sa Araw ng Pasko

2008-12-21T17:44:00.000-08:00

Bago sumapit ang ika-25 ng Disyembre taong 2008, marami akong hinanakit sa aking sarili, sa lahat ng taong nakapaligid sakin, at sa lahat ng bagay na aking natatanaw.. Ibang-iba talaga ang mga kaganapan na hanggang sa ngayon ay aking pinagninilay-nilayan.. Masakit isipin na wala man lang akong bagong kasuotan.. Samantalang dati-rati ay mula ulo hanggang paa, masisilayan ng lahat na bagong bili ni Inay ang mga damit ko.. Pati nga brief ko bago din.. Pero ngayon? Wala! Wala talaga.. Naiinis nga din ako sa sarili ko kasi di ko man lang naisip magsimbang-gabi, simula kasi nung maholdap ako.. Natakot na kong maglakad sa madidilim na lugar.. Baka ang kasunod na mangyari na lamang sa akin ay abusuhin ang mura kong katawan.. Ayoko nun! May nabalitaan nga ako na may nagsaksakan sa labas ng simbahan, paano kung ako pala yung saksakin? Edi hindi ko na mapipilit si Inay na ibili ako ng bagong damit.. Hayyy.. Halos umiyak na nga ako sa pamimilit.. Pero wala pa ding nangyari.. Mistulang bato ang puso ng aking Inay.. Walang awa.. Hinayaan niyang magdusa ako sa mga damit kong pinaglumaan na ng panahon.. Kahit brief man lang sana, inisip niya na maibili ako.. Kahit yun lang.. Masaya na ko.. 100 pesos lang naman ang underwear.. May tatlo sampo nga eh.. Hay ang buhay nga naman, malapit na nga siguro ang pandaigdigang krisis.. Natatakot na ko.. Ayan na! Andiyan na si Santa Claus, magsasabit na lang ako ng medyas baka sakaling lagyan ni Santa ng mahiwagang brief.. Yung brief na hindi na nilalabhan, yun bang lalong bumabango sa paglipas ng taon.. Kahit hindi kinukusot, binabanlawan, at isinasampay.. Pero nabigo ako, walang nakalagay sa medyas, kundi alikabok ng paghihintay.. Kaya heto ako ngayon, umiiyak, dahil sa sinapit kong kalbaryo.. Pasko pa naman pero ang lungkot lungkot ko.. May patunay nga ako na umiiyak eh, kasi pinalo ako ni Nanay, kaya nagkulong ako sa kwarto, umiyak.. Eto..

Katsidorotan Dance Troupe - AMA Lucena

2008-12-13T02:01:00.000-08:00

This is the celebration of Linggo ng Wika sa school then there was a Modern-Ethnic Dance Competition. I joined pa din kahit hectic sched ko kasi Student Council din ako so kami yung mag-oorganize nung event. Tapos may co-dancers was totally a stranger to me.. LOL.. Kasi mga 1st year students, eh sophomore na ko, but during the practice, dun na din nabuo yung closeness and friendship.. I think this presentation is 4 days lang ang preparation namin.. Eh may klase pa kami kaya after the dismissal ng class pa praktis.. Kaya gahol din kami sa oras.. Pero may teamwork at coordination eh kaya natapos namin.. As a result, kami nanalo.. Hindi yun expected, haha! Kasi may magaling pang isang group.. We've thought na 2nd lang kami.. But nung in-announce na, yeah! Katsidorotan Dance Troupe ang wagi! Haha!

Miss ko na kayo..
-Maureen
-Jerome
-Sara
-Danvic
-Michelle
-Ronnel
-Karen

Last Dance

2008-12-12T19:18:00.000-08:00

It all started when I entered the college realm. When the first day of school arrived, I felt uneasy and anxious. I was so full of expectations regarding my teachers and new classmates. How I wish that my recent colleagues when I was in highschool is here, so that I will not be outcast here. Everyone looks like they know each other then; they’re so close to each other. While myself is still invisible to everybody. I hate this feeling. My phobia is fear of being alone, afraid of no one to be with. Still, I went to school with no one to talk to. I don’t have the chance to open my mouth and utter any single word I want to share. I was never given a chance. Since then, I got one pal named Laura. She’s the one who offered me a possibility to make my college life more meaningful and colorful. We get closer each time we’re together. I feel comfortable whenever she’s there. Maybe it’s the right time for me to tell my entire feeling towards her. I decided to take one step forward on her…I want to court her. But she refused to accept my love. She didn’t give me a chance to merit my devotion. She’s just like the other who pays no attention when it comes to me. Am I born to be rejected? After that moment, she began ignoring me. We will cross our way like we don’t know each other. Everything was dumped into nothing. I’m just rubbish for her.

The most anticipated event took place. Everyone should attend the prom and it’s a must to prepare for this awaited day. I was obliged to be there. Again, I felt alone and superfluous. And suddenly, the star of my night came. She was wearing a pink gown with a gorgeous make-up on his face. Very beautiful…no! Very magnificent. She was escorted by a tall man. I think he is Laura’s boyfriend. How sad that my princess was taken away from me. All through that night, Laura is all I can think. Wherever she goes, my eyes followed. I don’t want to miss any glimpse on her. I want to bring back the closeness we have yesterday. I want her back. She’s so happy with his partner. They dance over a long period of time. I’m longing for her. I want to take her in the center of the crowd….dancing just like there are no people around. I just chose to be alone, drinking wine to forget all the pains I endure. I’m already drank. I got a confidence to invite Laura to dance. When I lend my hand to her, she allowed to do my request without hesitations. We dance like its forever.

“Kamusta ka na?”, I asked. “Alam mo bang namiss kita?”

“Ok lang ako, ikaw? Hindi ka pa rin nagbabago…” she replied.

“Lalo kang gumanda. at lalo pa kitang minamahal”, I said while staring at her.

She reacted silently. Her eyes can’t look straight to me. She feels very conscious. I asked her if she is happy with her boyfriend. And she responded with a smile showing she does. I’m hurting inside. I can’t accept the fact that she is happy with somebody. I don’t know how I’m going to conceal the sore in my heart. I want to explode every anxiety and disturbance that makes me inert and lifeless.

“Mahal mo ba talaga siya?”, I told her.

“Mahal na mahal…”, she said.

“Pag sinaktan ka niya, andito lang ako ha?”, my last words.

=Bang!=

And now, I killed myself with my gun. The reason why I did it? So I will always be forever on her side. And just like what I promised to her, I will wait for her comeback… Hoping that in second life… She’ll be my forever partner until my last dance…

Clueless

2008-12-12T19:16:00.000-08:00

Ano ba talaga me sa’yo?
Why iba pinaparamdam mo?
How I thought mahal mo ako
Your feeling seems malabo…

I can’t tiis it anymore
Natatamo kong pain and sore
Parang puso was cut by a scissor
Di ka na tulad like before…

I am so manhid ba talaga?
Coz I can’t feel your aruga
Mistulang unsalted nilaga
Sa love mong very kakaiba…

Are you not nagsasawa?
The way we have sa tuwina
I’m so nahihibang na nga
Bakit I love you ng sobra?

Hindi naman ako stupid
On loving you without bahid
Panain ka sana ni Cupid
Para irugin ako nang super rapid

You believe in your wrong akala
That wala me magagawa
Akala mo lang wala
Pero super meron talaga…

Do you know na I’m hurting
Though 4 u it’s like charing
Parang you’re just ignoring
Lahat now turned to nothing…

Sorry if di me tulad ng hanap mo
Sensya coz I’m just ganito
I know na di ako gwapo
Hope you’ll search your gusto…

Sana you’d watch the pelikula
When sinabi ni John Lloyd kay Bea
Na mahal na mahal kita
Kahit ang sakit sakit na…☺

Unnoticed

2008-12-12T19:13:00.000-08:00

While watching television

I’m slowly dropping my vision

The lights are gone in horizon

What will be the reason?

Always unseen and wrong

Holding you all along

Still, I’m trying to be strong

The end of our broken song…

You kept on passing by

Just like I’m not alive

Yet, you didn’t tell me why

Leaving without goodbye…

I woke up in the morning

Watching when you’re sleeping

Hoping that you are dreaming

Realizing I’m here waiting…

Vows are abruptly shattered

All memories are scattered

Looks like you’re unbothered

Losing our shared laughter…

I wish I can take it all

Longing to stand so tall

Yeah, hoping for a call

To a guardian angel that fall…

So before you sleep in your bed

Listen on things to be heed

Would I stay in your head?

When I’m gone and dead?

T-Bird

2008-12-12T19:12:00.000-08:00

Girl is what I look on the outer crust
A woman body that will never cast
This is me that will outlast
Soon, with your words, I’ll be bust…

Can’t understand the way I am
Can’t picture the man I’ve become
Can’t restore the dignity that’s gone
In this realm, I am unwelcome...

Falling in love is a mortal sin
To somebody who chose the path I’ve been
Concealed emotion that had never seen
Perpetually soulless and deaden being…

Aimed to let go and hide
The feelings I kept inside
Still, naked truth is on my side
Searching for the real ride…

When will I touch affection?
How can I earn protection?
Where will be my final destination?
If in your eyes, I’m forever poison…

Odd Smile

2008-12-12T19:09:00.000-08:00

DJ Hearty: Good evening to all our listeners tonight, we have a great story to be read right now and it is coming from our letter sender named Kenneth…

“My name is Kenneth from Laguna. I have this story of mine that needs to be answered and I hope that this purpose of my letter will be granted. My story began when I was 18 of age. I was invited on my friend’s birthday. I was pretty excited because I know that this will be amusing and fun. Unfortunately, before that awaited day of my pal, I got sick. So I didn’t have the chance to go along with them and I call up my friend that I will not be able to attend her party. The only opportunity for me to be a part of her birthday was to look at their picture during that day. They were all happy all through the celebration and I regret that I missed to see my old friends when I was in highschool. Then there is this guy that caught my attention. His smile was odd and yet, it was gorgeous. I ask my friend if who’s that guy from the picture and she answered that it was a friend of his brother. I found out that he was Peter. Then I started a joke that I already love this anonymous guy. And I guess I do. My friends arose from teasing me to him. I want to meet him personally, super! Afterwards, I initiated to greet him always on the radio, saying that I love him. Take note: I am mentioning his full name so he will hear it. I don’t know why I am doing all this insanity and I really don’t know how I get the confidence to spread my feelings to him in the air. I think I’m really falling for him. Surprisingly, he heard all the craziness I’ve did on the radio. And my friend told me that Peter is interested to meet me in personal. So I said why not? Right? I really feel nervous and anxious to be acquainted and introduced to him. And that very day came; I am again provoked to attend an occasion. I will perform a special number on stage because I’m a good singer. After that presentation, I went to a circle of friends and I saw the smile that caught my attention on my friend’s birthday party photos. I think he was Peter that I’ve come to love. He was smiling to me and I get conscious because he was always looking in me intentionally. My friends make fun of us, they placed me beside him. I was totally blushing. I can’t believe that I’m sitting here close to him. So I didn’t resist their trip and I decided to go home because my mother will scold me again if I got home late. Peter followed me and requested me to stay. But I refused to do it; we just exchanged each other’s number so we will have a chance again to get along together. Then, I leave him hurriedly. I was really happy; I didn’t expect that this will happen. Two days after that night, he texted me for a friendly date and I was pushed to do it. Our ways entwined again and I think he was too quite humble and gentleman on how he acted towards me. He said that he is glad that he finally met me. So I respond that I feel the same way too. All of a sudden, he uttered unpredicted words that astonished me. He said that he’s learning to love me and he can’t forget me from the first time he saw me. I react silently. I don’t know the right words to say. I want to say that I love him too but I can’t. That time ended in that stiff moment. I don’t want to be played on. After a week, I heard news that Peter has a girlfriend. It hurts me so much. I can’t believe it. From the first place of his confession, he is starting to make fun of me. I don’t plan to steal him from that girl. I have nothing against it because I have nothing to do. “I’m just a girl trapped in a man’s body”. I don’t have the right to be happy. I will stick forever in what I am today. I have no place in this world and no place for Peter’s heart. A year later, my friend’s birthday came again, I wasn’t excited at all. What I remember in that day was Peter. I don’t want to see him there. I’m tired of burning by his flame. Still, I should go because my friend will be mad at me if I will not attend at her party again. So what will I expect again? Peter will be there all over again. He asked me to decipher our problem. He said that he loves me so much and he don’t want to hurt me.

DJ Hearty, help me in this problem. How can I pay no heed to Peter’s presence? How can I cast away all these feelings I have for him? Will I accept his no assurance love? Or just escape from all those lies that he imparted? Will I choose to be hurt by choosing my false heart? Or to be hurt by choosing the right way on what my mind implies?

Help me… Thank you… From your avid listener – Kenneth.”

DJ Hearty: Now, send your comment/reaction/advice here in the “answer that will never be found”…

Trap by Fate

2008-12-12T19:07:00.001-08:00

I am living in a world where everything seems to be broken…wrecked family, shattered dreams and a broken me. I was not taken care of and I didn’t take a chance to know my dad. All I know about my father was just a wallet size portrait of him.

My mom told me that my dad had a mistress that’s why he dumped our family. He left us with no home to call, with no father to stand as my guidance when I’m taking the first steps of my life. I can’t blame my dad on what he did because I don’t know the reason why my parents separated. What I realized is, my dad will always be my dad in spite of all the dejection and melancholy that cause a big sore in my heart. Without him, I would not be here in this world right now. So I should be thankful to him and give my full gratitude. I think it’s time for me to forgive and forget on what happened in the past.

While I was in school, my cellphone rang. It was a call from my mom, so I answered it. She told me that my dad was delivered in the hospital because he had a severe disease. And the doctor believed that any point in time right now, my dad will pass away.

I beg my mom to see my dad even though it’s the first and last time that I will see him. So we rushed on the mentioned hospital. I prepared myself for everything that will take place. We arrived on the room of a guy lying in his bed. It was my dad. He looks like he’s enduring too much pain. I almost cried and hastily embraced my longing dream…to feel the presence of a father to his child. I’m overwhelmed with all the occurrences around.

My dad fell asleep so I went to the prayer room to seek for help. I talk to God, I ask for His benevolence and compassion. I am wishing for His mercy to meditate my dad’s disease. I’m thirsty for His miracle…

Out of the blue, a man sat beside me and told me that I should keep my faith to our Almighty God for the reason that He is the only one who can grant unanswered prayers. It was the first time I saw him but I became easily comfortable and relaxed while with him. I just sensed that he can ease the pain I am going through.

Hector and I were at the same case because his dad is also admitted in the hospital for his fatal disease. That’s why we’re here together hunting for God’s help. This prayer room became our meeting place. Our early conversation was turned unexpectedly into such a strong friendship and now…an intimate relationship. I didn’t notice that we got in the point of falling in love to each other in just a blink of an eye. But I’m happy with him… As in!

Surprisingly, Hector’s mom went hurriedly to us and said that his dad was nearly of death. I go with them along the way. When I was about to enter the room, I discerned that it was also my father’s room. I was puzzled and mystified. Am I right with my speculation? Is Hector’s dad was also my dad?! He might be the son of my father’s mistress, so does it mean that my boyfriend was my brother?! What a disaster?!!

I was absolutely right. I can’t accept the truth that he is my brother. Well, I just put it aside for I know that it is more important to focus on my dad. I took a nap; I want to be awakened in this nightmare. But when I woke up, it was said that my father was dead!!! No!!!! I weep so much!

The day of interment for my father’s body came. Hector was crying a lot. At first, I got angry with him but I realized that I must not be self-centered for I know that he has the right too for my dad. We returned in our house, very distress and weary in all the happenings that occurred. It was too much for me and for my mom.

I lost a father and I also lost Hector’s love. I ought to move on to finally forget him. Bury all the moments of yesterdays. 6 years had passed, and until now, I can’t still stop thinking about him. I love him so much but it’s an immoral thing for me to continue our relationship.

When I was walking along the mall, I am searching for new clothes to wear. Unexpectedly, Hector and my path intertwined again. I’m surprised. Very much surprised! I just ignored him. And he approached me if we can do some talking. So I was obliged to do it and I go for it!

He confessed on me that he is not a real son of my dad. He was adopted when he was seven years old because my dad’s mistress wasn’t capable of giving my dad an offspring. So they decided to take Hector as their own child. I can’t believe it! I felt like I was a fool. I wasted the six years of being frantic and desperate.

I accept him again because I know in myself that I love him to the highest level. So now, we are still partners and lovers, married and happy. We have our own children now, and we promise that we will not ever do the same error that our father had made. We will raise our children in the best way that we know.

And this is our beautiful love story that was full of trap by fate…

Cellphone

2008-12-12T19:00:00.000-08:00

I know anyone can relate in this story…

On my 16^th birthday, my mom bestowed a gift for me…a Nokia 3310 cellular phone. I’m so glad because my dream to have a cellphone is now granted. That was the 1^st mobile phone I possessed.

Being a Martian on this stuff, I just read the entire manual reference included on its box, for me to evaluate the functions and uses of each keys stuck there… And at last, I am proud to say that now I know how to use cellphone… Weee!

So I began giving my number to all my cliques, relatives, and bla-bla-bla… Then one time, my phone began to beep. There was a new message but I don’t know where it came from because the contact number doesn’t exist in my phonebook… Still, I read it.

…hi can u be my txtm8? u don’t know me, neither i…

want to hav sum frendz, hope we can be… -billy ☺

I offered a response and that’s the day when the best thing of my life started. I found out that I like him, perhaps, I am falling for him. Days, weeks and months passed and I felt like I’m always longing for his text. It’s kinda absurd to me because we never knew each other’s faces. What we have is just a linkage behind our keypads.

He became my inspiration and strength. We felt the same way. We love each other in spite of the thing that we didn’t go through the prerequisite stage that should be bypass. But still, I can’t control my emotion. There is Billy, there is me, therefore, there should be us…

Distance apart me from him but it seems that a thousand miles separating us really doesn’t matter. As long as there is love and trust to one another, you’ll create a robust relationship that will never be shipwrecked.

Every morning, our routine was exchanging sweet messages to each other until the break of dawn. This is one of the reasons why I bear a smile always. Loving him makes me beautiful.

How I remember the very first time he sent me a message. I never thought that this anonymous guy I’ve come to known will be my life, Billy is the Earth that holds me and the air that enables me to breathe.

And the day that we are anticipating had take place. It was our anniversary and he asked me if it’s alright if we will have a rendezvous on this very day. Then I decide to do it. I was very nervous and felt uneasy. I don’t know what to expect for.

I went on-time in our meeting place. He said that he’ll be late for a minute because his location was too distant away from here in Manila. I said that I’m wearing a yellow shirt and he told me that he’s in blue polo shirt.

All of a sudden, a guy approached me if I was the girl he’s looking for. The moment I was about to look at his face, I was astonished and stunned! Oh my! He is the ideal man of my thoughts. He is tall, white and really handsome. I can’t look on his eyes. I felt frozen and deadened.

This is really unexpected. I thought he was just a typical guy that I imagined. Then now, I’m in front of him. Very obnoxious and simple, I’m just like this! Nothing to be proud of…

And we separate our way back to home, with no sweet moments to be kept. It was just like nothing. Null and void. I didn’t feel the Billy I knew when we text. He was different from the guy I extremely love… Am I this ugly to be ignored?

Since then, I never received any message from him. I wait patiently. I didn’t initiate to do so. I’m filled with pride, hoping that he will miss me, hoping that he still loves me. I feel redundant and rejected. I’m tired of waiting… I’m weak with this life…

The cheerful days I had before been suddenly turned into heartache. I regret of loving him that much. This cellphone was a mess!!! This is the reason why I am suffering from anguish and sorrow. This is the effect of my stupid emotion. How I wish that my mom didn’t gave me a gift like this, a gift that is just a temporary source of my happiness.

I don’t want to take a glimpse on this phone anymore. I’m traumatized to use this stuff, I’m afraid to fall in love again. So I decided to throw this thing somewhere I would not see it over again. Plop! It was gone! I throw all the selfish memories that made me suffer until now. So today, I’m medicating myself from this ill I’ve got from nowhere. I run and hide from the frustration that makes me incomplete.

Lesson? Don’t ever love a person when you just met him/her by your “cellphone”. Beware of falling in love to strangers. Control it! You may feel loved and appreciated on the first place, but in the end? You’ll feel unused and injured… So neglect it., and you’ll never regret… ☺☺☺

Watch out for your cellphone… Hmmm…

TWINS

2008-12-12T18:57:00.000-08:00

Don’t you know that everyone has their own twin? Well, I have a true story regarding this. And you’ll find out by yourself that you have…

I met him since I was a child. He really looks like just me but the only difference is I’m more handsome than him. I grew up having this clone of mine. I don’t know how he can imitate my movement but probably, I think it’s just normal because we are identical twins. So, I just ignored this matter.

Everywhere I go, he follows. It feels like just I know him because we agree on the same thing. We really have something in common. So I guess he is the best friend I can call…

We grew up in a routine of replicating each other. And we are happy playing with ourselves. If I will count how many arguments we had, I might say that we never fought or kick each other ass for the reason that we truly have the same mind.

By accident, I was admitted in the hospital because our family doctor told me to. So I stay there for so many days, and my twin is always there for me to support.

Then suddenly, I just heard that the doctor and my uncle were having a conversation near at the door of my room. And he confessed on Tito Cesar that I have a severe disease. I have a bone cancer.

I can’t help it but cry silently. I don’t want them to notice that I already know about my situation. My twin seemed to be lonely also, I can see his teary eyes and he’s obviously hurting inside.

I know that I will not be easily healed because one in a million survived in this disastrous illness like I got. So, I just make the most of my life, I tried to be happy in spite of my hidden agitation. What I mean is, crying will not help me to be strong again!

As days passed, the vitality in me slowly fades… I feel like I’m lifeless and my bones are aching too much! I can’t resist this, I’m dying!

My twin is weeping a lot, it’s apparent that he is pity on my condition and he shows so much concern. As I was crying too, waiting for the time on when I will take my last breathe…

Everyone around me is praying for a miracle that God will send his vision to cure my disease. They are filled with hope that I will still survive. My tears continued to flow on my cheeks; it suffers me in so much pain. I want to hold on still but I can’t take it anymore!

I said my last words to my family, saying that I love them so much and I will wait for them in the second life. I take a vow that we will live again in another paradise wherein we will enjoy the eternal life.

My eyes searched for my best friend. I am seeking for my long-time friend; I borrowed my old mirror to talk to my twin. Yes! It was my reflection that I call bestfriend, my twin!

He is my friend that will go with me until the time of death. And now, my twin and I took our final gasp. And we died together. Just like imitating our movements, he copied my condition to go with me along the way… And my twin and I will leave this sinful world with a smile… That’s what friends are for!

Hence, I guess the story helps you to find for your twin and bestfriend. So now, bear in your mind that “The only bestfriend you can call is yourself…”

November 1

2008-12-12T18:52:00.000-08:00

I was born on November 1, 1991, and it was always celebrated at the cemetery. To some kid, they might say it was quite a boring and simple party, but it’s not! Honestly, I’m having fun! Ahm… No! I’m having a blast!

And it was November 1, 1998, and I was very excited because I will celebrate my 7^th birthday, again, at the burial ground. I don’t know why some children are afraid to go at the cemetery; I think that’s the only thing that makes me differ from the other youngster. I learn to cast away my fears on ghosts and monsters that olden times invented.

However, my family came up to a routine on bringing some picnic stuffs such as tents, blanket, foods and more foods ha-ha!! This is another unforgettable moment again for me. How I just wish that my grandma is still alive so that we would have a complete gaiety…

After instant merienda, I take a tour on the entire cemetery, wishing that I can find someone to play with. Then all of a sudden, I met Angel, she was a cute gal, with a long hair and gorgeous smile. This might be love I guess… So, we talk and talk like there’s no tomorrow. I don’t know why I felt that way. It seems we knew each other over a long period of time because we get closer and closer in every single word we uttered.

From that moment, I already have my girlfriend and we create vows that every November we will meet again on the same time, same place. And we separated our path because it’s getting dark and I need to go.

I’m so happy! I can’t forget that girl, she’s extraordinary, and she’s here in my heart… Our promise to each other is all my mind can sense… I love her so much…Patiently, I wait for that special day of my girl; I can’t wait for a long time. I need to see her everyday because she’s the reason I smile.

My dad went to my bedroom and he said that he has some good news. He mentioned that we will migrate from the U.S. and we will live there for good. Instead of being happy, I just kept my mouth shut; the first thing that comes in my mind is how can I see Angel again? Is this the end of the world between her and me? How about our oath to one another?!

Since I have nothing to do, I just obeyed their order; I just felt I lost some part of my body, my heart! I’m so upset with my dad, my mom, and all of the people around me!!! They don’t know how much I love Angel. They don’t understand me!

I grew up in Pittsburg, California, and I didn’t notice that I transformed myself already to the person that is stranger to me. I don’t really know myself at all. I learned to be a freak, to play on girls, and I slowly forget Angel as well.

Accidentally, my father died, so we need to take flight back to the Philippines, therefore, I make up my mind. The young child I portray then was reborn. I realized that Angel will be the only girl that I’ll wait walking in the aisle and will be my wife dwelling in one roof with our offspring.

When I landed in NAIA, it was by chance that the date was my birthday so I quickly went at the cemetery and seek for Angel. But when I got there, I didn’t see her! So I cried, thinking that Angel got mad at me because 10 years had passed since our promises turned in vain. I was so guilty that I broke our vows! I hate myself!!!

Then suddenly, in front of me, I saw an epitaph just like this:

R.I.P
Angel Mateo
Born: Jan. 22, 1991
Died: Nov. 1, 1998

Waaaa!!!! It was the date when I met her! With my shock, I run as fast as I could. I realize that Angel was dead the first time I saw her. And in my trauma, I don’t ever return in that cemetery again. I just prayed for her soul, it was said that Angel was killed by his father so I guess that’s the reason why she can’t still escape the world of the mortals. Perhaps, she wants to earn justice. So, look at your back, there is Angel! Seeking for help! Awooo! ♥☺♥

Mathematics

2008-12-12T18:49:00.000-08:00

You said numbers are so pathetic
But for me, it’s packed of magic
It just demands a sharp, brainy logic
Don’t say that Math seems to be tragic

You define it as a social suicide
Felt like it’s gonna turn your tide
Yet, surely it will dignified
Desolated mind that died…

Addition of ideas signifies discovering
Subtraction of fears implies learning
Multiplicity of knowledge denotes achieving
Divide your worries so it will be nothing…

Why Mathematics means terror?
To everyone it is a horror
It is not a pledge of hard-core
How petty reasons you ask for!

Though you think it is frustrating
It is not, it is mind-refreshing
Confusion is just an initial feeling
Soon you’ll be an enormous something…

Time will come and you’ll accept
That arithmetic is not-to-be neglect
Time will come and you’ll accept
That Mathematics is a life’s concept…

Author

2008-12-12T18:45:00.000-08:00

Started with a piece of blank paper

Creating thoughts compiled by letter

Lying beneath a job of forever

Diving thru the abyss of prayer…

Mending on a broken sonnet

Pen and barren brain is all set

Morose notion is what I felt

Amended injury is all it’s left…

Tint of multiple hues is vanishing

Papers are slowly tearing

My wisdom seemed to be flying

Its comeback is now I’m wishing…

Can’t exhibit a composition to its elite

Can’t reckon the precise lexis to write

Now my nails are all I bite

Perplexity is the foe I fight…

Writing some verse devoid of ink

Incomplete ideas my wits can think

At this point, I gently sink

This sudden dilemma turns to sphinx …

How arduous can my work be?

Perceive the finest in nastiest plea

A final curtain is what they see

Still, I’m an author forever I’ll be…

friENDs

2008-12-12T18:38:00.000-08:00

My mind is just bothered by the word friends; they said that friends are there to lift you up, to make you happy when you’re in sorrow, to embrace you when the world hates you and to love you till time is through, in short, friends are forever… Still, if you would notice, there is an END in the word “friENDs”… Why is it so? My story will help you… Ssshhhh….

I am a contemporary student from the South Bull High, and it’s a thing that shot my mind into perplexity if I’m prepared enough to face the facade of this unknown world. Of course, I don’t have some friends here and it’s so full of discrimination going on here! Full of geeks and freaks everywhere…

However, there is this guy that totally magnetized me and perhaps, this is the love at first sight that they defined. Whatever! It’s just some kind of emotion that should be concealed, a secret to be exact! Know why? Jayson is my classmate and it is impossible that a campus hottie will be interested to a plain and boring girl like me… So that’s not good…

Woo! But it’s not the handsome thing that made me attract to him, it’s just that, he is so down-to-earth guy and a really friendly person to all… It’s his smile that everybody is dying for! So now, I take the chance to be closer to him and to be friends as well! (The 1st step! lol…).

In our Calculus class, I was so surprised because Jayson and I were seatmates! That was really an opportunity for me to get to know him better, and yes! We did… Half of my time in school is dedicated to Jayson, and I’m glad that it is worthwhile doing to make him as my habit…

And as days go by, I didn’t notice that we became friends, BEST FRIENDS! Actually, I don’t want to designate it as a best friend but BEAST FRIEND! Why? I hate that! What I want is him and me, lovers to be! But how will it happen if he neither like me nor love me more than just a friend?!

But as her bestfriend, I need to pretend that I’m not hurting inside and as her bestfriend, I have to be happy for his happiness even though he is now taken by his long-time crush Olivia. I couldn’t take it. It was too much! I chose to move on, to be far-distant over him, over my bestfriend…

Nevertheless, this tactic doesn’t help me to go on. I can’t escape the shadow of the love of my life. But I continue to ignore him, for me to finally forget him… And he discerned that there’s a problem between the two of us, he asked me if there’s anything wrong, or something that he did wrong. But I responded with a faked smile, saying that there’s no problem and I’m just weary. But behind those smiles are smiles that wanted to unmask its longing affection to that guy!

When I came home, I made a letter, a letter that will unveil my concealed secret. I confessed to Jayson that I love him from the first time I saw him… That I adore him not just a friend, but more than of it. Jayson received it, and was thoroughly astonished by this revelation. He quickly went to my house but with so much speed, he was bumped by a car! He was delivered in the hospital but find it swiftly that it’s hopeless that he will continue to live.

In my room, I don’t know what is happening outside, I’m still lonely and exhausted cause of crying. But on my window, I was so terrified that a man entered through it, and I distinguished that it was Jayson… I was surprised! Totally staggered! I am nervous that he will tease me because of my letter! Still, I’m wrong, for the reason that he admit that he love me too, and I was on cloud nine with what he said to me.

On the next words he uttered, it made my head distressed as if it is losing its brain and my heart seemed to lose its beat when Jayson told me that he was accidentally hit by a car and now he is lifeless! I am shaking and I felt like I’m numb. I want to touch him, embrace him so that I can prove that he is lying! But to my surprise, he was telling the truth because my friend sent a message that Jayson died in a catastrophe. I want to run! But I cannot leave him! He’s my life!

Suddenly, something has exploded! I woke up by my alarm clock! Woo! It was just a dream, a very long insanity! Then, I look at my clock again and I’m late going to school. Hurriedly, I arrived at the classroom. I’m too behind schedule, what a mess!

Then, our professor revealed that he has some announcements to make, he introduced our new classmate. Wow! He was the man of my dream! He looks entirely like Jayson except for his name “Charles”. Does dream really turned into reality? Will it be a déjà vu? Oh I think friends might seem forever, there’s no END for Jayson/Charles and me! These are things to be found out…

Stalker?

2008-12-12T18:33:00.000-08:00

I have this childhood story that bothered me a lot during my empty days that my mind is still alienated by all the things that caught my sight, I’m still figuring out myself in this strange world and the peculiar thing I had ever encountered is when I’d saw my stalker. The only question that flows on my barren brain was, WHO IS THAT STALKER?!

I tried to tell this to the elders but what I get is their reprimands towards me, they don’t understand me! So I said to myself that grown-ups are nothing but sucks! Therefore, I decided to work on this thing alone. In my young age, I can say that I was so intelligent because I learned early to render observations and formulate theories about this ridiculous being that follows me everywhere I go!

There’s no reason why he/she would follow me because I have nothing in my pocket or gold coins that may be a cause why he kept on tracking me. One time, when my neighborhood and I were playing, I used to tell this to her but she just ignored what I had said, for she think that I’m insane and creating fictional tales, but I’m not! They are the crazy ones who can’t explain my unanswered question, WHO IS THAT STALKER?!

I can’t sleep at night, wondering on that stunning creature. I want to sleep but when I tried to close my eyes, I feel so terrified. An air blows down coming from my window, it made me shiver down my spine. I covered up my whole body with a blanket and I attempt to ease the apprehensions in my head. With God’s mercy, finally, I fell asleep…

When I woke up in the morning, my eyes are weary because I haven’t take enough sleep but I need to go ‘cause it’s school time. It was a day for me to merit new things; actually it is my first turn to school and I’m excited about it!

As I came up in this new environment, I got an idea to study further in connection with my stalker; perhaps somebody can help me to solve my long-time investigation on this being. And days passed, I met my new pal.

His name was Vic, and I don’t expect that we will deal in so many interest and values that’s why we get closer and closer each day. I already treated him as my best friend because he knew all my secrets except on my stalker. I’m afraid that he would not believe me; maybe he would say that I’m getting insane too! Just like the others! But with so much trust, I accidentally told this to him, and unexpectedly, he listened earnestly. He said that he can do some help to decipher this problem and our mission began…

After our class, we plan to consult my teacher to answer this issue… And we did… At first I am shaking… (Maybe for 2 reasons: I’m scared to know the answer and tired of getting rejected). But when I tried to open my mouth, I can’t speak, there is something controlling me… In that case, Vic spoke out for me and he conveyed this to our mentor.

Ms. Xiao just smiled and then she edified the reason why a stalker follows me at all times and also revealed the creature behind this stalker…

And now I recognized and distinguished this being… I realized that it was nothing but my shadow… How petty, isn’t it?

Behind the Scenes

2008-12-12T18:28:00.000-08:00

I’ve been so many places
Bump into bizarre faces
There comes many obstacle phases
And I’m blurred filled with hazes…

How I wish my life is a movie
I can edit panorama of agony
So I can touch life’s beauty
Turn villains into funny…

I’m a star of my own belief
On my ladder, now I creep
Gaze on me I’m losing grip
A product of dim-witted trip…

In a world of ecstasy
Smiles are scattered ubiquitously
They might say that I am lucky
Behind those cameras, I am nobody!

Can’t see my sun in the day
Neither water in the bay
The light disappear its ray
Where is the obsession I pray?

I am jailed by pretty portrait
Always erroneous with my gait
Holding on through my faith
As a result, always shit!

Can’t imagine the days I’ve been
Ignition sparks that often seen
How can I reach my utmost dream?
To show mine, behind the scene…

~herdz~

Cool Off

2008-12-12T18:24:00.000-08:00

Lahat ng ito’y di ko inaasahan

Biglaang di pagkakaunawaan

Ginawa na lahat ng paraan

Wala rin palang pupuntahan

Paano ba natin maaayos?

Gusot at puros pagseselos

Kung di maintindihang lubos

Kapwa pusong nagpupuyos

Dati-rati’y tayo’y maligaya

Ngunit bakit unti-unting nawawala

Pagsintang nagbabadya

Ng katapusang nalalapit na…

Hindi na natin maiikubli pa

Hapding ating nadarama

Kung sa t’wing laging magkasama

Hindi na nagkakasundo pa…

Siguro nga ay kailangan na

Bigyan ng oras ang isa’t isa

Para mapag isipan na

Kung ating ipagpapatuloy pa

Wag ka sanang magagalit

Kaayusang di na mapipilit

Tamang oras ay muling sasapit

Maaalis din hapdi at pait…

“CooL oFF na LanG mUna mAhaL cOh”

PAG-IBIG: Alin Ka Dito?

2008-12-12T18:20:00.000-08:00

Case # 1
Inlove ka pero bata ka pa
Puppy love bansag nga nila
Akala’y magtatagal, ngunit di pala
Dahil siya ngayo’y chaka na!

Case # 2
Masaya kami dahil laging magkasama
Friend ko siya at mahal ko na
Ngunit paano ipapaalam sa kanya
Kung aming pagkakaibigan mawawala?

Case # 3
Bawal magkasyota dahil ayaw ni Mama at Papa
Bata pa daw kasi at isipa’y mura pa
Pag ibig bang ito na paramg utot ay itatago pa?
O baho nito’y ilalabas na?

Case # 4
Lalaki ka at lalaki siya
Napamahal ka na sa kanya
Gwapo na, macho pa!
Lintik ka, bading ka nga!

Case # 5
Na-love at first sight ka sa kanya
Taglay niyang kagandahan ika’y natulala
Sa unang tingin mo pala’y naduling ka
Siya ay babaeng UY-AY pala…

Case # 6

Mayaman siya at dukha ka

Hindi mo maabot ningning niya

Ngunit kayo’y nagkatuluyan pa

Naku! Meteor Garden story pala!

Case # 7

Dalawa sila sa puso mo

Di mo malaman kung sino

Yung past na mahal mo?

O yung present na masarap humalik? Kemedu!

Case # 8

Marami ka ng naging lalaki

Naging two timer pa nga eh

Pero nang makilala siya nagbago ka ate!

Siya na ang karma mo ang sabi!

Case # 9

Gusto mo siya at gusto ka din niya

Wala nga lang commitment kayong dalwa

M.U. ba kung tawagin nila

Itong katangahang pinapauso pa...

Case # 10

Mahal mo siya, mahal din ng friend mo

Hahamakin mo kahit sino

May the best man win na nga lang po?

Hay, kayo na lang ng friend mo ang magmahalan, yan payo ko!

Case # 11

Ipagtatanggol mo siya kahit kanino

Ibibigay lahat ng kaya mo

Eh tanga ka pala at gagawin mo ‘to

Kung kahit kailan ay di magiging kayo…

Case # 12

Sa text nagsimula ang pagmamahalang ito

Minahal mo kahit di pa nakikita ni anino

Nagulat ka na lang ng magmeet kayo

Letche! Mukha pala siyang mumu…

Case # 13

Mahal niyo ang isa’t isa, torpe nga lang

Minsan naiinis na dahil laging may kulang

Isip ng isip na parang buang

Tanga mo dahil sa kanya ay ito’y wala lang…

Nabanggit man o hindi ang mga naranasan mo pagdating sa pag ibig tulad ng mga nabanggit, hindi naman talaga mahalaga ‘to eh, ang abnoy mo nga kasi binasa mo pa eh, dalwa lang naman talaga ang pagpipilian mo…

PAG IBIG: aLin kA d2??

Bobo o… Tanga??

A Love Story That Never Was...

2008-12-12T18:17:00.000-08:00

When I heard the pouring rain

It creates an indescribable pain

Retrospecting yesterday’s stain

Realizing I was waiting in vain…

Unexpected that I will fell

Another love story is to tell

Imagining you are real

In the end, just a fantasy tale…

Why do I felt so numb again?

So bad that I’m so insane

Thinking how will I attain?

Someone that is not mine…

In my life you became the light

The candle of my dark night

I’m trying all my might

Still, I can’t see you at my sight…

Why will I hide?

The feelings I kept inside

If you are the time I bide

Incomplete without you by my side…

~herdz~

Bawal na Uhmm..

2008-12-12T18:10:00.000-08:00

MicrosoftInternetExplorer4

Sa damuhang aking hinihigaan

Nakita ko’y tala sa kalawakan

Bigla ka na lang pumasok sa isipan

Nagsilbing ilaw na tanglawan…

Sa iyong sulyap at titig

Ako nga ay iyong napaibig

Lumakas ang bawat pintig

Ng pusong lubusang nadaig

Ating pag iibigang hinahadlangan

Pilit nilang tinututulan

Hindi ba nila alam ating sumpaan?

Magmamahalan magpakailanman…

Mahalaga bang sila’y pakinggan?

Na tayo’y humantong sa hiwalayan?

Paano na ang ating nasimulan?

Magwawakas ba sa hidwaan?

Tatanggapin kong wala ka na

Sasanaying di na makakapiling pa

Ngunit tandaan mo lang sana

Sa aking puso’y mahal kang talaga…

~herdz~

Talang Di Abot-Kamay

2008-12-12T18:06:00.000-08:00

Bigla kang dumating sa buhay ko
Di inaasahang pag ibig mabubuo
Di napigilang mapamahal sa’yo
Pero ako kaya’y mapansin mo…

Sa tanikalang bituin ako’y nakatingin
Dinadama ang malamig na simoy ng hangin
Aking pinipilit na ika’y abutin
Ngunit nahihirapang ika’y kamtin…

Naramdaman ko kung minsan
Sakit at pangungulilang pinapasan
Pinipilit ng sariling ika’y kalimutan
Ngunit puso’y di ka malisan…

Pinilit kong maghanap ng iba
Sinubukang pagsinta’y mawawala
Pero sadyang puso’y tanga
Dahil sayo’y bumabalik tila…

Paano nga ba mapapawi?
Panaginip na laging mamumutawi
Sa pusong uhaw na walang maiganti
Kundi pag ibig na makasarili…

Bangungot na ayoko ng maulit
Paghilom ng damdami’y pinipilit
Tunay ngang wala kang kapalit
Pagkat sa buhay ko’y di ka mawaglit…

Kailan kaya kita mayayakap?
Kailan matutupad aking pangarap?
Kung sa tuwing ika’y kaharap
Muli na namang nahuhulog sa isang kisap…

~herdz~

Downcast with your Love...

2008-12-12T18:01:00.001-08:00

Sudden change arose with your existence

Blinded by your entire luster

Nobody hears my silent scream

Forever crippled amidst your love…

Now tears fall down beneath my wings

Eternal blue without your presence

Oblivion just goes throughout

With trials and voyage of devotion…

They say good things must come to an end

But never yield to that somebody

Not ever be a downcast in the name of love

Endure the vividly part of somewhat called…

…“LiFe”…

~herdz24~

Organized Chaos: An Introduction

2008-12-12T17:56:00.000-08:00

You might see me everyday laughing, smiling and very cheerful but the fact is, this is my way to hide my emotions. I am chained with my agitations… I hate this world where I live in, full of sadness, agony, sorrow, suffering and grief. Nobody cares for a vain person like me and I’m battered with the things surrounded me. I want to be free where there is peace, harmony, reconciliation, contentment and sympathy. I’m being trapped with limits of life, being a slave of my shadow. I can’t release this anger coming from inside. In every false step I’ve made, there are voices blaming my foolishness, my idiotic mind. It is so hard to pretend, to be an imitation of great image and to act the part of something that is impossible. I am nothing in this world,
I am just a stranger who brought misery to life. I have no prerogatives and exemptions to treat that life is beautiful, because it is only for those who fill the prerequisites of living. I am desperate to be at the farthest point, to be at the utmost of survival. I always believe in God that He will show me the brilliance of life, the real shining luster of endurance. Beyond the limitations of life, I will keep on standing, remain my constant courage and strength ‘cause I consider myself as an “Organized Chaos”.

Moving on...

2008-12-12T17:40:00.000-08:00

Have you ever tried to fall in love with someone? But commitment between the two of you had never been a crucial matter to each counterpart? Haven’t you discerned that it is just a mere act that you kept on loving a person though you know that he or she will never feel the same way to you? It hurts right?

But look, I think it’s never been far with the thing that we continue on scratching the scars. Why not let the wounds be healed? Why do we want to keep it bleed? Maybe that’s just some philosophy of love, love and love until you’ll see yourself insane, but for me, the added insanity makes me inspired even though many times it hurts!

It is so hard to pretend that you are happy because behind those naked smiles, you don’t know that there’s a heart in it that always wanted to surrender for the feeling it’s longing for.

Why do I felt always a loser? I just felt invincible whenever clique’s jokes started to flow but I can’t still conquer the affection that makes myself more idiot in the end of the day.

I am envy to those people who knows how to handle situation like this because they can easily eradicate these wastes that for me is reminiscent of air that enables me to breathe.

Paano nga ba magmove on? Kung habang nakikita mo siya each day eh you’ll learn to love the person more and more. Every time you steal a second just to stare with the one you love, you forget that you are moving on and you accidentally teach your heart to be moron again!

What would be the remedy for this kind of grave mental disease? If I’m deeply wounded and downcast to have someone that is irremovable and tightly attached in me?

Who can answer my unrequited question? Who can show me the road to move on easily? When can I say that, “Now, I’m taking flight, and I’m ready to embark another journey… To search the lost piece of my wrecked puzzle…”